I’ve posted a new video on half of the first day of Bali earlier this week, but this post is not going to be about that today. You can watch it HERE anyway:
This one will be about the break I took from myself for just ONE night.
Yesterday evening after dinner, I just felt tired and low, I felt like I needed an external substance to help my lethargic mood, to make me feel excitement, happiness, alive or just to get into the working mood atleast and be productive! But I’ve always felt like having the need to rely on something unnatural like alcohol/ cigarettes or even coffee is just weakness. I knew I needed to do something else. I needed exercise.
After an hour of home bodyweight workouts and feeling MUCH better but still a little solemn, I walked to the large balcony outside of my condo’s badminton court. It overlooked our pool which was in the shape of a grand piano.
I lay on the bare ground and stared straight into the night sky. The sky was clear. There were three stars. One of them might have been a satellite. I just stared into it, going deeper into the deep blue darkness. As the splashing sounds of the pool slowly faded, I felt like I was floating into space. It felt nice and weightless. At that point I felt like the luckiest person on earth. How was I so lucky to find such beauty and peace? The spot was right there, in the middle of hundreds of residences, yet no one was there. Only me, feeling bliss.
It felt nice to not need to feel anything; to not have to think whether this is right or wrong or whether it will be useful for the future; to not need to care whether this minute was used properly or not. I realised how long it has been since I actually relaxed and be in the moment – to not think about the past or future that I’ve even forgotten how to. Having two jobs and wanting to be on top form every second of the day has been how I lived for a while now. There were moments I asked myself “what is ‘fun’?” and had no answer because, the kind of work I’ve been doing IS fun. Art-work and being able to constantly create IS fun! Perhaps it’s only the busy-ness that sucked out all the meaning in it. Perhaps what I was missing was balance. Perhaps to have fun, you need to give yourself both up and down times.