This post is coming from a place of extreme unhappiness. This is probably one of the worst mood swings I had in the longest time. I woke up feeling tired. I did not want to get out of bed. I’ve been craving the feeling of “freshness” and “awakeness” for a while. You know, how you just wake up all fresh and happy and energetic and can’t wait to jump into a bright lovely productive day? I miss that. These few days I’ve just been tired. So tired. I don’t know if it’s the female hormones. I don’t know if I’ve been stressing myself out. All I know is, all the worst possible thoughts keep entering my mind. Discouraging thoughts, negativity. It makes me short-fused and read into the worst of words when people try to talk to me. Everything that happens wrong just infuriates me. I crave all sorts of foods. I ate chocolate, and I feel uncomfortable.
After wasting hours getting my phone replaced today, I felt even more annoyed. What a waste of time. I’ve to waste more time later setting up apps and finding passwords that I can’t remember. It could be the boredom of waiting, it could be all the time unnecessarily wasted, I still don’t know. But I felt so angry at everything and started to get a migraine.
I’m probably stressed, says people I care about. They’re probably right.
I got home. I cried out loud. I can’t figure out why. I’m just really really unhappy today. Just now. Just this moment. And I really can’t point it out.
All I know is that I want to clean up my room. And turn off my phone. And find an outlet of expression. Perhaps that’s why I’m typing this now.
The phone really messes up my brain sometimes. All the information I feed myself every minute. Multitasking every now and then just to get things done.
Sometimes I’m not sure if I should express such negativity anywhere. Would it cause people to think I am weak? Would that be how I will be seen? I know myself that I’m generally a happy, positive person. But it so happens that the most raw expression comes from such strong unhappiness – and not being able to share it would just drive me insane; while sharing it would make me vulnerable.
For now, It’ll just be, “what the hell”. This is me. I need to shout it out. I get emotional. I’m 60% happy 40% moody; 60% introverted 40% extroverted. You know, I’m a human.
OMG. As if the universe is talking to me. I just stumbled on this video after ending this post:
This is a good one. Enjoy.